sábado, 5 de maio de 2018

Still...

She looked at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

She knew him too well to know when something was really bothering him.

In fact, she knew him well enough to know that something was seriously wrong. Worst of all, she could bet it was on a personal level, which was worse. 

Approaching him would also be a mistake. He hated to be disturbed when the only thing he needed was to be left alone. However, if only she could intervene, maybe, just maybe, the collapse could be avoided.

They had been arguing consistently in the last couple of months. The joy has been removed from his eyes, and hers... They were no longer happy together. Somewhere, down the line, they grew apart.

Somewhere, down the line, they both wanted different things. Somewhere, down the line, they... She did not want to say the words. 

Maybe today he would say the words. Maybe that was what he was thinking about. Maybe, just maybe, he would spell out loud what she feared most...

Why fear? Why was she afraid to hear what she already knew? Why was she so afraid of accepting what already was? Wasn't it just easier to accept? Some people say that if you accept what is it makes it easier to let go or move on.

He kept looking at a blank spot on the wall. He stared at it, rarely blinking, for what looked like hours. He was really considering something serious...

She kept to herself... She did not disturb and she decided to make her own thinking. She also had things to think about. Decisions to make... It was not all on his side of the fence, or was it?

They both stayed still for hours. Each one on a different corner of the living room. He staring at the wall and she staring at him. Finally he got up. He sighed and moved to her.

She stopped breathing. There was it. The moment she dreaded. The moment she was so afraid of, even though she knew it was already so real. Accept what is, she thought to herself.

He stopped in front of her and knelled. He looked her in the eyes. He finally spoke.

- You know... For the last couple of months we have not been living together even though we share the same roof. I have gone distant, and so have you. I was trying to understand the reasons until I realised I knew exactly what the reasons were. We gave up. We gave up on the little things. We let routine take its course and we just let it go. You see, I forgot all the reasons why I fell in love with you and all I kept asking myself was the reasons why I should not be with you. And today... I knew I had to come up with a decision, as this was killing us both. So... I sat down and I travelled back to what put us together. And I saw you... I saw you for who you were and still are. I feel in love for your soul which is has not changed. I felt you looking at me and I asked myself this one question: do I see myself without you in my life? Do I? There was a sharp pain in my heart when I dared to ask that question... My heart shrunk and I can bet it bled. So my answer was clear. I do not see myself without you in my life. So, today, I want to promise you that from this day forward I will not allow the routine to take over my life, our life. I promise that I will cherish all the reasons why I fell in love with you and I will make sure to tell you this everyday, for the rest of our lives... So, there it goes. My real question is: Would you marry me, knowing that I promise to love you everyday regardless of where life takes us?

She stood there, still, looking at him. The words... The words were said. She could not respond. Her head was thinking fast about all the reasons why it wouldn't work. Her head was reasoning on the current state of their relationship wondering if it would be possible to revert. She closed her eyes and demanded her head to stop thinking. She let her heart speak. Her heart, hurting and bleeding, pulsed with joy. She opened her eyes...

- Yes. Oh yes, of course I will marry you.

They hugged and he rested his head on her lap. They stood still for what seemed like an eternity. A beautiful eternity... 

Her head suddenly went quiet. There was nothing else to think about.


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